By Irina Pino
HAVANA TIMES — It’s common for married people to get tired of each other after living together for so long and for passion to dwindle. It’s normal: these are the stages of love. Hopefully you’re left with affection, common ground and friendship. However, if convenience because of work interests, shared homes and other material things take precedence, then I think it’s time for concern.
They’d have to sit down and analyze why they can’t just be housemates, nothing else. Why hold on to your marital status if only certain interests are at stake?
In our country, it’s suffocating to see that so many married couples can’t separate because they share a home or because one of them doesn’t want to move. Everyday life becomes rough amidst pitched battles, sterile arguments which don’t do anything or issues which would be easily resolved if they each had their own space.
Why not face the facts?
Nothing is simple. We know that Cuba’s housing problems are what most affect its people. Selling, moving, involve both of their names on documents, money, trying issues for anyone.
However, let me tell you a story: I have a friend who makes films with his wife. She introduced him to this project so he is in her debt somewhat. This man tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex with his wife, but that he loves her as if she were family. They have been together for over 10 years.
He is having an extramarital affair with another person who, according to him, is his other half. He feels he needs to share more and more time with her every day that passes. He admits he’s in love and that he has incredible sex with her. Meanwhile, they share common interests.
On the other hand, his wife has a marriage which doesn’t really exist, and she has told him a few times that she will file for a divorce. She wants to break all ties with her former partner once and for all.
At this point in time, he hasn’t said anything, he talks about future plans with his wife, but they don’t involve her, of course.
However, this doesn’t stop them from going out together to places as if they were a normal couple.
What should she do? Carry on with this relationship until he decides enough is enough? Wait for him to call her to see her?
A friend of mine has a very original theory about the ideal marriage; he says that in order for marriage to last, it’s necessary that a couple lives separately, that is to say, each of them in their own apartment and that they should only see each other to go out, have sex…
He tells me that all the magic is lost if you live with someone, that he doesn’t want to see his wife with her hair in a mess and wearing an apron. That takes away his desire to do anything.
His opinion is machista, she would surely add a few other things: that she doesn’t like his bad breath in the morning, or when he sits in front of the TV in his boxer shorts and burps as if she weren’t there.
A lot of things can break a couple but neglect and a lack of attentiveness are two of the most important. My friend’s theory of “not committing” to share life’s good and bad things… Well that doesn’t work either.
Marriages that share “common interests”, whether that’s a house or work, when one of the members of that couple stops feeling love for the other person, then they need to find a solution.
Even though one person is always going to get hurt and feel like they’ve been cheated.