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Rosa Martinez: I am another Havana Times contributing writer, university professor and mother of two beautiful and spoiled girls, who are my greatest joy. My favorite passions are reading and to write and thanks to HT I’ve been able to satisfy the second. I hope my posts contribute towards a more inclusive and more just Cuba. I hope that someday I can show my face along with each of my posts, without the fear that they will call me a traitor, because I’m not one.

Just One of Those Days

March 17, 2017 |

Rosa Martinez

Woman on the balcony. Photo: Juan Suarez

HAVANA TIMES — There are days when, for no apparent reason, you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and even another person’s smile can annoy you.

You don’t understand why exactly, because of course there are lots of things which we don’t understand, but it’s as if we were stuck in the middle of a terrible hurricane which has taken all of our belongings, even the last thing we can lose: our hope.

When that happens, because you know being in a bad mood doesn’t help anything or anyone, you hold onto even a hot nail and try to look for something which will cheer you up and give you the strength to continue to move forward and fight…

I believe that the first thing we think about is that we shouldn’t complain so much, at the end of the day you’re alive, and there’s nothing more important than that, is there?

Afterwards, I at least, think about my children, the ones who require so much of our work, sleepless nights and sacrifices, but we consider their education, food and love the noblest profession in the world, and the most important of all. I should at least be happy for them.

I know a lot of women who would give up everything they own to be able to have a child, God or life has denied them this right. Other women would give their own lives to make their little one, who is suffering from terminal cancer or any other incurable disease, better.

I tell myself I’m being selfish, that if God is listening to me then he will get angry because of my unjustified bad mood, for my helplessness, my excessive sadness, but not even thinking about the All Mighty manages to get me out of my bad place.

The day slowly passes by and I continue to cling onto the many good things I have and must acknowledge: two grouchy but wonderful parents; a husband who helps me to raise our girls; some annoying brothers but who are always there through the good and bad times; a small and not very beautiful house, but with the basics we need to live.

What more can I ask from life? I ask myself.

I answer myself immediately: it’s not that I’m asking for anything, on the contrary, I’m thankful for everything, even the air I breathe. But I’m sorry, today continues to be one of those days where everything gets to me, even somebody else’s smile…

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  • dan

    Nice post, which I can relate to. There is no solution to life, but fulfilling our simple biological mandate of having kids certainly helps bear the feeling of weariness and disappointment that creeps up later in life.

  • Sky

    I know it is such a buzzword right now, but actually when this kind of mood takes over, meditation/mindfulness is a really helpful technique to bring you into the now, acknowledge those circular, grumpy thoughts but not get stuck in them.